The Garden of the Lord

A good friend of mine who does calligraphy posted this to Instagram the other day, and I almost fell off my seat. "Reference?", I commented quickly. "Isaiah 51:3 :)", she replied. Our church has been studying Isaiah for months, and just a few weeks ago went through this chapter. How had I missed this verse? I'm so thankful that God used the talents of my friend and the medium of social media to bring it to my attention. I love when He opens your eyes to something that you've read many times in the Bible, making it deeply personal. He truly does speak through His living word!

For most of my life, I have been described by others as "bubbly", "always happy", "nice", and other variations of this same sentiment. Although I suppose these were meant to be compliments, I often found them a bit annoying. "I am not happy all of the time - that is ridiculous!", I'd think. I now realize that the way people perceived me was the consequence of my naturally positive disposition. I saw the good in everything. I assumed everything would work out well and I quickly forgot about the bad things. I wasn't trying to be this way... I just was.

Even though those comments from well-intentioned acquaintances used to bother me, I still found some of my identity in being a person who brought light into a room and didn't offend or burden others. Part of the struggle of infertility has been feeling like I lost that part of myself. I can see it in my face, feel it in the aches of my body, and in the pit of my stomach. I am a desert. I have nothing to offer, no fruit to share with others. Instead of blind optimism, I am only blind, and instead of seeing the light at the end of every tunnel, I am surrounded by darkness.

And yet, this is where my Lord meets me.

Here in my wasteland, He promises to make me new, and to make me fruitful. He promises that joy, gladness, thanksgiving, and praise will be found in me.

This is one reason why suffering draws us close to Him. It is one thing to feel loved when you have something to offer, but it is something much deeper and more real to know that you are desired and chosen by the Creator of the universe, even when you are broken, depressed, and useless. Even when you are angry with the One who gave you life.

Knowing that no matter what, He loves me and is faithful to me, brings security and gratefulness like I've never experienced before. No matter my barrenness, my sinfulness, or my lack of faith - He died for me. He chose me. He is healing me and making me new. And friend, He has done the same for you. Whatever your struggle, would you run to Him? Would you tell Him that you need Him and ask Him to show His love to you? It may not come in the way you desire at first, but He will answer. He will not leave you forsaken, but will give you a voice of song, to sing the beauty of His grace and love!